Anupama Parameswaran has opened up about a difficult two-year period in her life, describing the relationship she was in as an experience of “narcissistic abuse”. She did not name the person involved, but spoke about the physical and emotional toll the relationship took on her and how long it took her to recognise what was happening.

The actor spoke about it during a recent conversation on the I AM with Dhanya Varma podcast, weeks after she shared a cryptic Instagram post that read, “you have to let go of the dead ends to finally find your peace.”

Anupama said the post was not something she shared impulsively. According to her, it came after a long period of pain, self-realisation and healing.

“There is two years of pain, physical, emotional destruction, behind that one post,” she said.

She also spoke about how she had changed during the relationship. Anupama recalled that she began to “shrink” after entering it, describing a period when she felt she was becoming less of herself rather than growing into the person she wanted to be. She also spoke about losing a significant amount of weight during that time.

The actor said she eventually identified what she described as narcissistic abuse and began the process of understanding and healing from it.

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So, what exactly is narcissistic abuse?

What is narcissistic abuse?

Narcissistic abuse is a term used to describe a pattern of emotional or psychological manipulation and control, often associated with people who display strong narcissistic traits. It does not automatically mean that the person responsible has been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.

The abuse can involve repeated criticism, belittling, manipulation, gaslighting, guilt-tripping, withholding affection or making another person feel responsible for problems they did not cause.

One of the reasons it can be difficult to identify is that the behaviour may not be abusive all the time. A person may alternate between affection and rejection, making the relationship confusing for the person experiencing it.

There can be periods of intense attention and reassurance, followed by criticism, withdrawal or emotional distance. This push and pull can make it difficult to understand what is happening inside the relationship.

How does the cycle work?

A relationship involving these patterns can sometimes move through a cycle of idealisation, devaluation, withdrawal and attempts to reconnect.

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In the beginning, a partner may appear extremely attentive, affectionate and supportive. This can create a strong emotional bond.

The dynamic can then change. Constant criticism, dismissing feelings, controlling behaviour or making the other person question their own experiences can gradually affect their confidence.

When the relationship becomes distant or breaks down, the person may withdraw completely before attempting to re-establish contact. Apologies, affection or promises of change can sometimes bring the relationship back to an earlier stage.

The cycle can leave someone feeling confused about what is real and what they should expect from the relationship.

What is cognitive dissonance?

This is where another psychological concept, cognitive dissonance, can help explain why leaving or even recognising an unhealthy relationship can be difficult.

Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort a person experiences when two conflicting thoughts, beliefs or experiences exist at the same time.

For example, someone may think, “This person loves me,” while also experiencing behaviour that makes them feel hurt, controlled or insignificant.

Both ideas can be difficult to hold together.

Instead of immediately accepting that the relationship is unhealthy, a person may try to explain away the behaviour. They may tell themselves that the other person was stressed, that things will improve, or that they themselves did something wrong.

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This does not mean the person is choosing to stay in an abusive situation. It can be part of the psychological difficulty of making sense of a relationship in which affection and hurt exist side by side.

Why can it take time to recognise abuse?

Emotional abuse does not always begin with obvious warning signs. It can develop gradually, particularly when the relationship also contains affection, companionship and moments that feel genuine.

Over time, repeated criticism or manipulation can affect a person's confidence. They may start questioning their own reactions, needs and memories.

This is one reason conversations around emotional abuse often focus on recognising patterns rather than looking for one isolated incident.

Anupama's comments reflected that process of recognition. She said that when she first came across actress Madonna Sebastian speaking about narcissistic abuse, her reaction was physical and immediate. She also spoke about people who may be experiencing similar behaviour without having identified it yet.

For Anupama, understanding what she had experienced appears to have been part of her healing process.

The impact can continue after the relationship

The effects of emotional abuse can extend beyond the relationship itself. A person may struggle with self-esteem, trust and confidence even after the relationship has ended.

They may question their judgement, become more cautious in future relationships or find it difficult to express their needs.

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Anupama's decision to speak about her experience also came with an awareness that people would interpret her words differently. She said some people understood her post as a sign that she was healing, while others made assumptions about what had happened.

She did not identify the person involved.

Her comments also come amid earlier speculation about her relationship with actor Dhruv Vikram. Reports in early 2025 claimed that the two were dating while working on Mari Selvaraj's ‘Bison Kaalamaadan’. Neither Anupama nor Dhruv has publicly confirmed those reports.

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What Anupama has chosen to speak about is her own experience: two years of what she describes as narcissistic abuse, the feeling that she was gradually “shrinking”, and the long process of finding her way back to herself.