Earlier this week, a content creator went viral for saying she finds it disrespectful when friends ask to stay at her place while visiting her city. The internet had opinions. Many viewers argued that hosting your friends is what friendship is all about.

In India, the question hits differently. We are a country that grew up on unannounced relatives, an extra plate always set at dinner and a mattress pulled out of nowhere. Yet we also live in 1BHKs with flatmates, landlords and a Bengaluru rent that eats half a salary.

For most people, the answer comes down to what friendship means.

If I can’t call you and say I’m landing in Mumbai on Friday, what are we even doing?

Says Ananya Menon, 29, a marketing manager in Bengaluru.

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Asking for help is awkward, but a friendship that can’t survive an awkward ask isn’t much of a friendship.

Then there’s the money. A decent hotel in a metro can cost ₹4,000 to ₹10,000 a night, and for a group of friends travelling on a budget, that’s the difference between making the trip and cancelling it.

I’d rather my friends spend that money on food and fun than on a room they only sleep in.

Says Rohan Khanna, 32, a product designer in Gurugram.

Not everyone agrees, and the objections are fair. Hosting takes effort, cleaning, cooking, juggling work calls with a guest on the sofa.

I love my friends, but my home is also my only quiet space.

Says Mehr Siddiqui, 27, a journalist in Mumbai.

Sometimes the kindest thing a guest can do is ask politely and accept a no.

That is the crux of it. Hosting a friend doesn’t mean giving up your boundaries. Guests who are messy, careless or overstay their welcome are taking advantage, and a good friend won’t.

The friends I host the most are the ones who ask first, wash their own cups and know when to leave.

Says Kavya Iyer, 31, an architect in Delhi. That’s respect and not rent.

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Still, the people who say yes often say the same thing, the inconvenience is worth it. Late-night chai on the floor, borrowed pyjamas and a shared mattress make for the stories you retell at weddings years later.

So, is it rude to ask? Not if you ask with grace and take a no with grace too.