Starting to date again after a painful breakup or divorce can feel exciting and overwhelming. After spending time rebuilding your life, putting yourself back out there means first-date nerves, awkward conversations and, above all, figuring out whether the person sitting across from you is actually right for you.

For women dating after 40, that process can come with challenge of knowing which behaviours are genuine red flags and which ones are simply imperfections you can work through.

Relationship and post-divorce dating coach Dena Marizan recently highlighted three red flags women should pay close attention to when entering the dating world again.

Her advice is don't fall in love with someone's potential while ignoring who they are today.

Also Read: The weirdest life advice from the most interesting people we know (and why it works)

1. He is inconsistent, but always has an excuse

He disappears for days, cancels plans at the last minute, texts constantly one week and barely responds the next. Every time you question it, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation.

Maybe he's busy, work is hectic, has children or other responsibilities. But occasional busyness is different from a consistent pattern of inconsistency.

A man who genuinely wants to have a relationship may have a busy life, but he should still be capable of communicating clearly and making an effort.

If you're constantly trying to decode his behaviour or convincing yourself that his lack of effort is understandable, it may be time to step back. Pay attention to the pattern, not the excuse.

2. You raise a concern and somehow end up apologising

Disagreements are inevitable in any relationship. What matters is how someone responds when you tell them that something has upset you.

If you say, “That hurt me,” does he listen and try to understand? Or does he become defensive, dismiss your feelings, turn the situation back on you or make you feel guilty for bringing it up?

You should be able to express discomfort without being made to feel like you're the problem.

3. You are falling for who he could become

This may be the easiest red flag to overlook, particularly when you feel a strong connection with someone.

You start imagining how wonderful the relationship will be once his work settles down, he'll open up eventually and become more emotionally available with time. He says he wants a serious relationship someday.

But someday isn't the same as now.

There's a difference between giving someone room to grow and building a relationship around the person you hope they will become.

Also Read: The day love left without saying goodbye: Why blindside divorce is a modern fear?

Starting over means trusting yourself

Dating after divorce or a breakup doesn't mean you have to rush into another relationship or that you need to prove that someone is bad enough before deciding to walk away.

Sometimes the clearest answer is already in the behaviour you're seeing.

The biggest lesson may be to stop explaining away the things that make you uncomfortable. A second chance at love should not require you to ignore your first instincts.

If someone consistently shows you inconsistency, defensiveness or a version of themselves that doesn't match what you want in a partner, believe what you're seeing and not just what you hope it could become.