Actor Shefali Shah has reflected on one of the most difficult phases of her life — the years surrounding her first marriage and eventual separation from actor Harsh Chhaya, whom she married in 1994. In a recent conversation with Zoom, Shefali revisited that turbulent period, speaking candidly about emotional exhaustion, self-doubt, and the moment she decided she could no longer stay in the relationship.

Shefali revealed that for a long time she believed she needed someone else to “complete” her, and only gradually learned to value herself on her own terms. She shared that the turning point came when she realised staying in the marriage was breaking her from within.

"Nobody told me that you are enough. You don’t need a husband, a friend, a brother, a sister to be complete. You are enough...And obviously, you go through things and you realise it yourself. It comes to a point where it’s make or break for you. That is when the realisation dawns. It may be happening every day, but then there’s that one moment when you realise, ‘Okay, this can kill me. I can’t do this anymore," she shared.

A conversation with a close friend also played a key role in her decision to walk away. When her friend asked whether she would choose an unhappy marriage over the possibility of living alone forever, Shefali chose herself. She said she was willing to take the chance of being by herself rather than continue in a space where she didn’t feel respected, cherished, or confident.

After the separation, Shefali began living alone for the first time, a phase that became a period of quiet rebuilding. She said it allowed her to rediscover who she was outside of labels, relationships, and expectations, and helped her understand that she was “enough” on her own.

The actor also spoke about emotional abuse, calling it one of the most ignored and misunderstood forms of harm in relationships. She pointed out how people often dismiss it with remarks like, “But he didn’t hit you,” without realising the deep psychological damage caused by constant belittling, humiliation, and verbal aggression.

“A lot of people go through it. A lot of us go through it. And you’re always told, and the constant question is, ‘Well, he didn’t hit you, right?’ Somehow it becomes this mindset of ‘Yes, he didn’t hit me’, meaning he shouted, screamed, said things like ‘you’re so foolish,’ but it’s fine, he only said it. What you don’t realise is the kind of damage that is doing to you. It breaks you completely as a person. And I so resonated with that post.”