Losing a pet can hit hard—sometimes even harder than losing a person. Months later, the grief can still creep up on you, triggered by something as small as the eerie quiet of an empty home or stumbling across an old leash. And when the people around you don’t quite get it, that loneliness can feel even heavier.

So how do you navigate the heartbreak? And how can friends support someone grieving a pet? Here’s what experts say.

Feeling awful? That’s completely normal

For many, a pet isn’t just an animal—it’s family. That’s why losing one can be devastating.

“For some people, a pet is their most important relationship, the being that they see every single day, that maybe sleeps on their bed, that they cuddle with on the couch,” says E B Bartels, author of 'Good Grief: On Loving Pets, Here and Hereafter'.

“There are people who feel more comfortable with animals than with people,” she adds. “So losing those relationships can be really, really difficult.”

Just listen—don’t try to fix It

People who haven’t had pets might not understand the depth of the loss. Well-meaning but dismissive comments like, “It was just an animal,” or “At least they had a good life,” can make grieving owners feel even more isolated.

“You feel like you can't talk about it because people aren't really empathising,” says Annalisa de Carteret, who runs a pet-loss support helpline for Blue Cross, a UK animal welfare charity.

Her advice? Simply listen.

“Just allow that person to talk about how they’re feeling, and you don’t need to comment.”

And definitely avoid clichés like, “‘Oh, you can get another pet,’ or ‘He had a good life, he was a good age,’” she says.

“That doesn’t make you feel any better, because you knew all of those things. You just feel sad and just want someone to listen and to understand.”

Love comes in all shapes and sizes

Don’t assume that grief depends on the size or type of pet. A pet lizard can mean just as much to someone as a fluffy dog might to someone else.

“My friend’s dad has a koi pond, and he loves these koi. And he was so upset when a raccoon got in and killed all his koi one summer,” Bartels shares.

“Some people would be like, ‘Oh, they’re just fish.’ But he loved these fish, you know?”

Friends can offer support in small but meaningful ways. A grieving owner who no longer has a reason to take a daily walk might appreciate a friend joining them for one.

“People can really feel they lose their community,” Bartels explains.

“In the morning you get up, you bring your dog to the dog park, and you get to know the group of people who are there every morning really well. And that’s your social community. And so then if you lose your reason for going … you’ve lost a lot more than just a dog.”

Dealing with guilt

Grief is hard enough, but guilt often makes it worse.

“Guilt is a really big part of pet loss,” says de Carteret.

“They maybe think, ‘Oh, if I’d done something differently, maybe they’d have stayed alive a little bit longer,’ or if they were stolen; ‘If I didn’t put them in the garden.’ Or, ‘What could I have done differently to change the inevitable?’”

Some people even feel guilt over grieving a pet more than a human.

“It’s really normal,” she reassures. “But it feels wrong to say, doesn’t it? And people don’t want to share that.”

Should you get another pet?

Maybe. But don’t rush it. A new pet won’t erase the loss of another, and if you had an older pet, you might not be up for the energy of a kitten or puppy. Grieving takes time. Memories don’t just disappear.