I would have received so much love if I had committed suicide: Anupama Parameswaran on breakup
South actor Anupama Parameswaran has spoken publicly about the end of a relationship that she says left her dealing with physical and emotional distress for nearly two years.
In an interview with Dhanya Varma, the actor confirmed that she had gone through what she described as “narcissistic abuse” and explained the difficult circumstances behind a cryptic Instagram post that had earlier fuelled speculation about her personal life.
Anupama said the post was not an impulsive reaction but came after a prolonged period of suffering, withdrawal and eventual recovery. She said this was the first time she had spoken openly about what happened, adding that people close to her had already noticed a significant change in her behaviour.
Anupama on the Instagram post
Reflecting on the attention surrounding her social media post, Anupama said she believed the public reaction could have been very different had she spoken about her pain in more explicit terms.
“There are a lot of things behind that post. It was the result of two years of physical and emotional suffering and breakdown. I went through narcissistic abuse for the past two years,” Anupama Parameswaran said.
She also made a stark observation about how conversations around mental health and personal struggles can sometimes gain greater public attention only after a tragedy.
“If I had posted a picture of myself in that yellow dress and written 'Rest in Peace Anupama, she committed suicide' instead, I would have received so much love today. There would have been so many discussions. It has been more than a month since the outside world came to know about the breakup. Everyone, including my family, friends and staff, knew that the relationship was not right for me. They noticed a change in me. They realised that I was becoming withdrawn,” she said.
Anupama had earlier shared a cryptic post about letting go, choosing herself and finding her way back to her own life. The post subsequently triggered speculation about a breakup.
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‘I started to shrink’
The actor said the relationship had a profound impact on her emotional and physical wellbeing. She recalled feeling as though she was gradually losing her sense of self and said she experienced significant weight loss during the period.
“I started to shrink," she said.
Anupama said her understanding of narcissistic abuse developed further after she came across an Instagram Reel in which actor Madonna Sebastian discussed the subject. She recalled being deeply affected by the conversation, saying she began physically shaking as she recognised aspects of her own experience.
She also spoke about people who may be experiencing similar situations without recognising what is happening to them. According to Anupama, some people understand the term, while others have never researched it or may dismiss it based on assumptions.
“The first category is who know who have suffered, the family and friends who have seen someone suffer. The second category who have no idea about it. They must have heard the term, but they did not have to research about it, and the third one who would call it gender-based, and post negative comments based on assumptions. The next category is to who I want to talk to, those who have been there and haven’t identified it yet. That is the most dangerous category," the actress added.
How the relationship allegedly became controlling
Anupama also recalled how quickly the relationship progressed. She said her former partner introduced her to his family after only a few dates, with conversations about marriage beginning within a few months.
“After the first one or two dates, he took me to his house. He introduced me to his family, and I had meals with them. Within three months, he started talking about an engagement. His family began asking where it should be held and how many people should attend,” she said.
However, Anupama said she was not ready to take that step and rejected the proposal, asking for more time. Addressing criticism that she was motivated by money, she said she was the one who chose not to proceed with the engagement.
“To those who call me a gold digger, I want to say that if I had not rejected the demand for an engagement, my marriage to him would have ended in divorce. I was the one who decided that I did not want an engagement. When they asked, I requested some more time,” Anupama Parameswaran said.
‘He started controlling everything’
The actor further alleged that the relationship began affecting her professional decisions. She pointed to the success of ‘Dragon’ and questioned why she was absent from its promotional activities despite the film becoming one of the biggest successes of her career.
“'Dragon' was the biggest success of my career. Why didn't I attend its promotions? I turned down many films. He started controlling everything, not just my work but every aspect of my life,” she said.
Anupama said the control extended beyond her career and gradually affected different areas of her life. She described the experience as something that developed quietly rather than becoming immediately obvious.
Comparing the relationship to ‘Anniyan’
Explaining the changing behaviour she says she witnessed, Anupama drew a comparison with the characters played by Vikram in the Tamil psychological thriller ‘Anniyan’. She described a repeated pattern in which affection was followed by cruelty and then apologies.
“It was like living with an ‘Anniyan’. On some days, he would be ‘Remo’. You would feel incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful person in your life. The next day, he would be ‘Anniyan’. He would behave in the most cruel manner. The following day, he would apologise, beg, promise that he would never repeat it and cry like a child. This would keep repeating.
“The person who hurts you the most would also be the one who gives you comfort. It is like an addiction. They make you reach a point where you feel you cannot live without them. Even when something has nothing to do with you, you would end up feeling that you were at fault,” Anupama Parameswaran added.
The actor's comments come as she reflects on a difficult chapter in her personal life while continuing her career in South Indian cinema. She was last seen in the movie ‘Pet Detective’.
(Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is experiencing emotional distress, mental health challenges, or thoughts of self-harm, seek professional support without delay. You can contact Tele-MANAS, a 24x7 mental health helpline by the Ministry of Health and Family Welfare, at 14416 or 1800-891-4416.)