‘I was honestly disgusted by his face, but then…’: Esther Anil about brother Eric

Actress Esther Anil penned an emotional note for her brother Eric on his birthday, reflecting on the feelings and experiences she has gone through since his birth. In her post, Esther revealed how she initially struggled to accept her younger brother, whom she had not wanted at first, but later embraced as an integral part of her life. She described the bittersweet feeling of watching her little brother grow up.

Esther shared her note alongside old photographs of her brother Eric Zachariah, as well as Kahlil Gibran’s poem ‘On Children’.

Esther Anil’s full note

“Growing up, I always wanted a sister, someone to adore, dress up, put makeup on, a best friend to give all my love to. Then I got a brother.

At first, I thought it was a bad idea. I was honestly disgusted by his tiny face when he was born, mucus in his eyes and mouth. Eww, I said. 

But then I found myself loving him, raising him, teaching him everything I knew.

I just wanted to love something so deeply, and there he was, my baby brother.

I fed him, played with him, made him do chores with me, tricking him by saying Ambili Maaman would come visit us at night if we were good kids. I helped with his schoolwork, even stood up to his bullies. He was my everything.

When people asked me who I loved more, Appa or Amma, I’d say, Eric.

He was still a little boy, yet he became part of everything I did. He’d hang out with my friends.

In school and at work, he became the one who led, who took initiative, so much like my Chachan, who is no longer with us. Eric was even named after him, Eric ‘Zacharia’, after T.S. Scaria, whom I also miss so much today.

And then my little boy grew up. It started to ache to watch him become an individual.

He was never that annoying teenager with temper issues, just someone too precious to let go of. But I had to, because that’s how life goes. They find someone to love, someone to share everything with, and you slowly begin to play a different role in their story.

Everyone who meets him says, “That boy is surreal. He’s the most loving, mature, amazing person.” And I take pride, maybe too much pride, in having been part of his upbringing, in saying I raised him to be the man I wished to have in my life.

Even though my best friend reminds me that it was all him, not me.

Now he’s in Melbourne, working hard, building a life. I’m always proud. Sometimes aching.

And because I don’t want to remember those emotions, I bury them deep, but the truth is, he’ll always be the centre of my universe.

The one who taught me how to love so completely. My first baby. My first experience of motherhood.

Happy birthday, Eric.”