The second hello, going back is a belonging hack

Think of the last time you met someone and felt an instant spark. The conversation flowed, the laughter came easily, and you parted with a warm “We should definitely do this again!”

And then, nothing.

No number exchanged. No group chat. No plan. Three weeks later, you’re strangers again.

Relationship therapist Kasturi Mahanta has watched this heartbreak play out again and again, and she believes the fix is far simpler than we imagine.

One of the biggest things that helps people find their people is going back

The art of leaving the door open

Connection, Mahanta explains, rarely survives on goodwill alone. It needs somewhere to go.

“When someone likes a person, they usually leave it to chance. But those who build community do something different. Consciously or unconsciously, they create structure around the connection. They exchange numbers, start the WhatsApp group, send the ‘lovely meeting you’ message, suggest another time, and show up at the same place again,” she says.

It sounds almost embarrassingly simple. But Mahanta insists it works, and the reason is familiarity.

“You don’t need to become best friends in one conversation. You need enough repeated contact for ‘Who was that person I met?’ to become ‘Oh hey, you!’, then ‘Are you going this week?’, and eventually ‘Want to grab coffee?’” she explains.

When a stranger becomes a social life

She has seen it happen inside her own community, the villagers of her Summer of Belonging programme, many of whom arrived nervous about groups and wary of strangers.

One of them, after a group experience, decided to try the idea. She created a recurring space and started a WhatsApp group. She met the same people again, stayed in touch, and even joined in to help clean up afterwards. She lingered, and the conversations that followed were some of the best she’d had.

Her own verdict was the most amazing group experience she’d had in years.

But the real change, Mahanta points out, came after the evening ended.

“They realised, ‘I can actually create this.’ So they kept showing up and kept seeing familiar faces. They grew comfortable staying, talking and participating. The connection stopped being a one-off event and started becoming a social life,” she says.

Practising belonging

That, she believes, is what belonging really is, not a gift handed to the lucky, but a skill that can be practised.

Inside her Belonging cohort, the question is never how to meet more people. It is, how to create the conditions in which friendships can form.

Then comes the practice of reaching out, following up, building recurring spaces, hosting, showing up again, and letting familiarity do some of the work.

“Belonging doesn’t always need more people,” she concludes.

Sometimes a big part of it is more repetition, more structure and more returning.

So the next time a conversation leaves you glowing, don’t wait for fate to arrange a sequel. Take the number. Send the message. Make the plan.

And go back.

Credits: Kasturi Mahanta, Relationship Therapist