‘Why should I get married?’ Ranjini Haridas reveals why she chose a life without marriage

For as long as she can remember, Ranjini Haridas has been asked one question repeatedly, “Why haven’t you got married?” At 44, she says the answer is simple, she never wanted to get married.

Speaking about marriage on her YouTube channel, Ranjini said she has been hearing the question since her twenties. For her, her twenties were a period of understanding herself, her personality, her likes and dislikes. Marriage, therefore, was never a risk she felt ready to take. “Simply put, I don’t want to get married,” Ranjini said.

“I didn’t grow up seeing marriage”

Ranjini believes her upbringing may also have influenced the way she views marriage. She says she did not grow up watching a conventional husband-and-wife relationship.

Instead, she grew up watching her mother handle life independently. That experience, she says, her admiration for women who can stand on their own.

She explained that she never really understood the traditional “husband-wife equation” because the woman she saw as a role model was her mother, who managed things on her own. “I don’t want to sacrifice everything just to make a relationship work”

Ranjini also spoke about what she learned from dating in her twenties. Rather than looking at relationships simply as a path towards marriage, she says those experiences helped her understand herself better.

For her, love and respect have to exist alongside balance in a relationship. She has never wanted to enter a relationship where she would have to constantly compromise her self-respect or peace of mind.

Ranjini says she had the confidence from a young age to decide that anything that disturbed her peace or affected her self-worth was not something she wanted in her life.

Ranjini Haridas questions society’s obsession with marriage

According to Ranjini, the pressure to marry does not necessarily come from family. She says she considers herself fortunate because her mother and family never forced her to get married.

Instead, she believes society puts enormous pressure on people to marry and follow traditional roles.

She questioned the conventional idea that marriage was created to give everyone a specific role, with the man working and providing for the family while the woman takes care of the home and children.

But, she argues, those definitions no longer necessarily fit modern life.

Ranjini also pointed out that women continue to carry an excessive burden of expectations when it comes to relationships, marriage and household responsibilities.

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“My freedom is more valuable to me”

There were moments when Ranjini did wonder whether she should get married. But eventually, she says, she realised that she was happier with the freedom that came with living alone.

She enjoys being able to make her own decisions, maintain her financial independence and even decorate her home exactly the way she wants.

Marriage, she feels, could mean having to compromise on some of those choices to accommodate another person.

For Ranjini, that trade-off does not currently seem worth it.

Are married people never lonely?

Ranjini also addressed another question she says she frequently gets: “Are you alone?”

She joked that she would like to ask the same question to married people.

According to her, the freedom that comes with living alone is something that people who have never experienced it may struggle to understand. At the same time, she admits that she cannot fully understand what married life feels like either.

Importantly, Ranjini clarified that she is not saying marriage is bad. Her point is simply that marriage may not be right for her.

She once considered becoming a mother

There was a period in her late twenties when she wanted to become a mother. She even considered adoption as an option.

However, that desire did not necessarily translate into a desire for marriage.

Her comments underline the distinction she makes between wanting a family and believing that marriage is the only way to build one.

“I want someone who is at least a little better than me”

Ranjini also spoke candidly about the kind of person she could potentially see herself with.

She says she would only be interested in someone she considers at least somewhat better than herself. At the same time, she has little interest in taking on the traditional household responsibilities that are often expected of women.

She says she would rather go to work and earn money than fit herself into conventional expectations about what a woman should do after marriage.

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For Ranjini, that is not about blaming society. Instead, she says she is simply being honest about the way she wants to live her life.